"One-Step-Closer-to-a-Heart-Attack Night" at the Dome

Last night, the Twins held their first "All-You-Can-Eat Night" at the Metrodome. I was lucky enough to go (with my friend Nate) because my lovely wife-to-be won tickets from a local radio station. The idea is great. You pay $33 for an upper club section ticket and all-you-can-eat hot dogs, nachos, pretzels, popcorn, and soda (unless of course you win the tickets, like some lucky individuals). That's about $12 more than an upper club ticket by itself. And I don't know about you, but I easily spend $12 on food and drink and still leave hungry.

So far, sounds like a great idea, right? Like I said, the concept is great. The execution, however, left a bit to be desired... OK, a lot to be desired.

Before I get too far into this, I should point out (again) that last night was Twins' first ever attempt at this promotion. So, I'm willing to give them a little slack for less than perfect execution. Unfortunately, in this case, "less than perfect" means just downright poor execution. I guess the good news is that the promotion was limited to just a single section in the dome. If the entire stadium had been a part of the promotion, it would have been absolute pandemonium.

In any case, here's how the night went down. Nate and I leave work and get to the Dome about 6:00pm. The first order of business is to get in a line and redeem your all-you-can-eat voucher that came with your ticket for a wristband. The wristband is your gateway to all-you-can-eat, fatty, greasy goodness.

Once you exit the wristband line, you immediately enter another line to get your food. Basically, they open up all of the windows at one of the "Field Fare" concession stands and put all kinds of food out on the counter, buffet-style, and you pick the items you want. There are two or three employee's per food item, trying to peddle their item (some of them more abnoxiously than others).

This is a good place to stop and point out the first big mistake that they made. If you read the Twins' website about All-You-Can-Eat Night, it first lists the items that available to all-you-can-eat customers:

"A specific menu will be offered from among the items traditionally available at the "Field Fare" locations. Items include hot dogs, nachos, popcorn, peanuts, soft pretzels, fountain soda, water."

Then, a little further down, it says under the restrictions section:

"No more than two items may be selected during each visit to the specified concession stand".

Now, if they want to say that I can only get two items per trip, that's fine I guess. If you ask me, three items seems like a more reasonable number, but I understand what they're going for with that restriction. The issue I have here is that it says "No more than two items". Nate and I took this to mean, based on the items list shown above, that a drink was considered an item. So, our first time through the line, we each grabbed a food item and then grabbed a drink (at the end of the line) as our second item. We later learned that, apparently, what they meant to say is "No more than two food items may be selected during each visit...". The signs at the concession stand (and clearly the website) are not very clear about this. So, we essentially missed out on an item on our first go around.

So, our first pass through the line took us about 3 or 4 minutes. Afterwards, we headed to our seats to quickly consume our first round of food. A couple of minutes later, we were ready for round two. We headed back down to the line, which was slightly longer, but still not terribly long (it was still only about 6:15). While talking to the guy in front of us, we learned of the two food items thing. After about five minutes of waiting, we were once again through the food line (this time with two food items and a drink) and we headed back to our seats.

Fast forward about 20 minutes (so approximately 6:40). Our second round of food is gone and we were ready to go for a walk to find an apparel stand and hopefully burn a few calories that had just been consumed as well. The first thing we noticed when we hit the concourse was the all-you-can-eat food line. It was insane. We walked approximately 6 or 7 sections in the direction that food line was forming and it was still going. Absolutely nuts. This is still half and hour before the game and the line is that long. And my favorite part is that they still had only the one "Field Fare" location open, serving all of these people. Brilliant.

Suffice it to say, we didn't get in line for another round. Instead, we headed to our seats for the start of the game. After a couple of innings, the guys next to us decided to go for another round of food. Rather than go down and find out how long the line was, we instead decided to time these guys and see how long it took them to come back. Half an hour later, a couple of the guys come back. Half an hour! That's at least an inning and a half, and might have been two full innings. Crazy talk!

At some point later in the game (it was at least the 5th inning, might have been later), I heard someone behind us say that they finally opened a second "Field Fare" stand. It took 5 innings to figure out that the line was insanely long and that people were waiting for 30 minutes?? So let me get this straight. You're going to offer all-you-can-eat junk food to hundreds of glutons like me and you expect the reaction to be so mild that a single window will be sufficient to service all these people without pissing everybody off with wait times? Are you new to America? People like hot dogs and nachos at baseball games. If its all-you-can-eat, people are going to take FULL advantage (have you been to OCB?) This is not rocket-science. Instead, somebody thought that making people wait for 30 minutes for two food items would produce a positive reaction. Back to the drawing board.

I haven't even mentioned anything about the food itself. Going into this, I assumed that it would be the same serving that you get when you buy the food at a "Field Fare". Not quite. The drinks were tiny, the nachos were pre-opened in a tray, and the nacho cheese was served in little cups (like the ones at Taco Bell), which the chips don't even fit in. Not only is the nacho cheese in these little cups, but the cups are just sitting in baskets. They are warmed before being put in the basket, but they are not continually warmed while in the basket. So, by the time I get my food, get back to my seat and begin eating my nachos, my nacho cheese is luke-warm at best. My pretzel is being handled by someone while she tries to peddle it to everyone who passes, instead of sitting in the warmer, so my pretzel is cold and hard when I eat it.

Quick side note: What genius decided that the cup-holders should be at an angle? When my cup is full of Coke and its tipped at an angle, what do you think is going to happen? Again, brilliant.

Bottom line, if Nate and I hadn't gotten there an hour before the game, we would have missed about half the game while standing in line for our two passes at the all-you-can-eat line. So, if you're going to attend an all-you-can-eat night in the future (tonight perhaps), my recommendation is to get there good and early to ensure a maximum of food with a minimum of standing in line. Unless of you course you don't like baseball, in which case, its a convenient excuse for not watching the game.

But I guess I can't complain too much (only for about 1300 words), since the tickets and food was free.